Thursday, May 19, 2011

Meeting Dorothy Parker

So, what do you know about Dorothy Parker?  Me, not so much.  I had made it to this point of my education without having read anything at all by her, so when I stumbled across her wonderful poem, "Resume," my eyes fairly gleamed in anticipation of finding books full of poems as witty, sharp, and satisfying as this one.

So far, I haven't found them.  I've come across plenty of one-liners and anecdotes, but nothing that can match up to "Resume."  Here are some that are at least in the same ballpark.


Razors pain you; 
Rivers are damp; 
Acids stain you; 
And drugs cause cramp; 
Guns aren't lawful; 
Nooses give; 
Gas smells awful; 
You might as well live. 


Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.

Four be the things I’d been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.

Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

Three be the things I shall have till I die:
Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye

News Item

Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses.


If I don't drive around the park,
I'm pretty sure to make my mark.
If I'm in bed each night by ten,
I may get back my looks again,
If I abstain from fun and such,
I'll probably amount to much,
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.


  1. Try her short story "Big Blonde." She's best taken in very small doses, and "Resume" may be her very best work.